Sunday, February 27, 2011


Belly button rings.
Safety-belt legislation.
Rosie O'Donnell.

Friday, February 25, 2011

The Birds

The collegial birds are determined.
By the side of the road they shall meet.
Shoulder side chit chats are better by far
Than any mid-field meet and greet.
What they're discussing I'm not certain
It might be the snow in the West.
But when I draw near, they fly off in fear.
It appears I'm a pest not a guest!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A Fairytale

Once upon a time, in a land far away...

There lived a baby who cried when it was nap time.  It could not be said that the baby was a generally ill-tempered thing incapable of sleep for, come evening time, he resembled a log which had been hit over the head with a soporific stick with lead inlay.  That is to say, at the right time he could sleep just fine.  But in the afternoon he mounted resolutely on his soap box and preached hellfire and brimstone to the ones who had put him in such a predicament.  "You'll all be made to suffer!" he cried out with such force that his throat grew ragged, lending yet more pathos to the whole presentation.  Nevertheless, his parents ignored his dire threats, not moved by "decibel" blackmail and unwilling to negotiate with terrorists.  And then the cute little brute fell asleep.

The End.

Monday, February 21, 2011

A Conversation

"That's one fine dining table" the man said,
"'Though it might be nice with a coat of red
Paint to really make 'er pop and warm up."
"Why thank you kindly old codger.  A pup
Like me needs some winsome words of wisdom
To counteract all that prattling pablum
One hears these days.  And advice on paint?  Why
That's just perfect for someone who can't spy
The difference between brown and green.  Or so
Says my wife at any rate!  Say hello
To your own, by the way.  She is a fine
Woman, your wife.  Her radiance makes you shine!"
"Duly noted, Pastor.  And you are quite
Right.  Surely she's a right beautiful light."

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Cancellation Due to Freezing Rain

Slick and slippery
Rain on the road,
Calling off church,
Staying in our abode.
None to happy
But it's better than "Crash!
Dust to dust
And ash to ash."

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Ugliness of the Inward Gaze

To look inward
Is to slowly rot.
Bathes in nasal snot.
Thoughts of grandeur
Large, when entertained,
Shrink to littleness
On the main.


People sometimes talk 
'Bout the ravages of time,
Leading one to think
That time tears things apart.
But then they turn around 
And say another thing,
That time will heal all wounds
And bind up every heart.
It seems to me that time
Is hopelessly confused
Grinding up the weak
While loving on the meek.
What's a man to do
Who's subject to this whim?
Just trust that time is null,
Thank God that it is void.
For he will bear my wounds
And heal my broken heart
When one day I'm beset
And tempted to cry, "Fate!"
Time will fade away;
Law will rue the day.
Mercy will prevail.
And God is all in all.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Aged Steak

When you age a steak,
Just how old are we talkin?
'Cause past a certain time
And I just might be balkin'.
Don't want my steak a teenager
Or pushing fifty-one.
I'd rather have some fresher meat.
Less rancid is more fun!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Picture Framing These Days

I want to get a picture framed
To put it on my wall.
But when I look for framing shops
There's not one here at all!
I'll have to drive for miles on end
Or put it in the mail.
Maybe I'll just tack it up
And write the caption, "Fail?"

Saturday, February 12, 2011


It's cold in the morning
When Faith's not around.
I'd rather keep sleeping
Until she was found.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


I'm all alone
My wife has left
To Minnesota
I'm bereft
I'll soldier on
Til Saturday
When she comes home
Then I'll say, "Yay!"

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

More Ice Weasels

The ice weasels come when it's cold outside
And the wind begins to blow.
They scratch their claws on your windowpanes
So the fear in you starts to grow.
They howl little songs that are out of tune
Til your ears begin to whine,
"Save us, we beg, from these wrathful thugs
Or we'll surely end up dyin'."

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


I went to see old Esther
Today at half past one.
So pleased was she to see me,
We talked past setting sun.
She shared some cake, some coffee too,
Regaled me tale by tale,
Til finally at midnight
I finally had to bail.
The visit was quite a hoot.  It turned out that it was her birthday and guests kept arriving.  She was just so pleased she could hardly contain herself.  The elderly need more visitors, more often.  I felt very privileged to be a part of it all today and especially privileged to give her the Lord's Supper.

Sunday, February 6, 2011


When the Packers win
I start to grin
As laughter bubbles
From within.
I dance a happy
Jig and then
I dance that happy
Jig again!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

The Horse

I once had a horse with a toothy grin
And Jo Bob was his name-o.
And Jo Bob was his name-o.

This cheery horse he told good jokes
Not like David Lame-o.
And Lame-o was his name-o.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Church

There once was a church in the snow
To which all the farmers would go.
They sat in the pews
To hear the good news
And sang how the chariot swung low.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


My wife says that I like to write about being cranky.  So I said, "I'll show you!"
Butterflies and rhubarb pies
And people without guile,
All these things are wonderful
And always make me smile!
Cows in Spring and harvesting
And fast cars waxed and shiny,
All these things are super nice
And never make me whiny.

Moving Day (Delayed)

There's gonna be some wind today
A-blowin' cross the plain.
Obscuring everything in sight
And bein' quite a pain.
We're gonna have to hunker down
And wait a little while
A'fore we trundle outta town
And go three hundred mile.
Tempted though I am today
To shake my fist and shout
I think it better just to nap
Than be a cranky lout.