Thursday, October 28, 2010

Unfinished Thoughts on Drool and Necessity

The little guy awoke that morning, put on his sweater, tossled his hair and declared, "I am a baby and as such I have decided to drool.  Yes I said drool.  I shall exult in it all day.  Can I get an Amen?" 

And so he swaggered along, confident in his conviction, anchored to his determination, chubby to the cheeks.  It did not seem to occur to him that, lacking any tooth matter and only dimly aware of the full power of his tongue, drooling was a rather natural, almost thoughtless action, much like the breathing that he'd been doing for upwards of three months.  He was as bound to the drool as he was to his toes, if not more.  No matter.  The drool was the thing and the thing was his.  Selah.

It was later in the day, after much salivary success, that a mood of melancholy descended upon him.  "Salivation is not enough.  Mere nature and the tipping of the hat to supposed necessity doesn't get one far.  Exulting in it is even worse!  Who will deliver me from this body of drool?"

Monday, October 25, 2010

Roll On Winter

The rain on my windows would surely be snow
If only the temp were at seven below.
Alas it is warmer and soggy therefore,
And sadly devoid of the snow I adore.

Magical flakes in the air all around
Humming that noiseless, intangible sound,
Weaving their way like a drunken parade
Crystalline strands in a wintertime braid.

Bother it all that the spell's not yet cast,
Large plunking droplets are still falling fast,
Earth knows no cover of angelic white,
The dark of deep autumn has yet to take flight.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Bacon Arrives Just In Time

I went to lift weights
And now I'm all tired;
In dire muscle soreness
I'll surely be mired
Come Saturday morning
Unless I'm mistaken.
Just to be safe
I'd better eat bacon.
The bacon, in this instance, is a delicious non sequitur

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Cutest Darn Bee that You'll Ever See

The baby's a bee
As you can well see.
There is none cuter,
None cuter than he!

He's yellow and black
And prone to attack
With oodles of slobber,
Poo, pee and some yack.

He's charming and suave;
He doesn't wear mauve.
When he learns Hebrew
He'll shout, "Mozel Tov!"

Friday, October 15, 2010

Defending the Noble Cow

I once knew a cow who was friendly
We'd talk every once in awhile.
Such a good neighbor was this lovely cow;
She'd rake all my leaves in a pile.
Then I began to feel guilty
Her selflessness made me look bad
So I told all the neighbors that something was wrong
That the dear cow was going quite mad.
"We haven't a minute to lose, friends;
Here she comes with a bag and a rake!
We'll bonk her cow-head
And make sure that she's dead.
Then turn that mad cow into steak!"
My neighbors were not fooled for a minute
And told me to bite on my tongue.
"Nay, my dear neighbors, I'm rather eat cow!"
And with that my poor neck they wrung.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Hope I Don't Get Any Complaints from Cow Lawyers

There are different kinds of meat
Most of which are good.
All except the offal
Which isn't even food.
The others, though, are tasty,
Better than sliced bread.
I'm happy for the lives of cows
Especially when they're dead.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


To Ioway I'm goin' soon
With wife and child and all.
We're headin' south with happy hearts
To answer God's own call.
Friends are there, though yet unknown,
With blessings yet untold.
And we'll bless them with all we've got;
May God's love make us bold!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Woe to Italy When Opera Dies

I thought all Italians liked opera?
Puccini, Rossini et al...
Patriot love of their country
Standing incredibly tall.
But mezzo sopranos are dusty
And less loved than back in the day.
And misguided miscreant jokers
E'en suggest opera lovers are gay!
What's next? Is pesto in danger?
Can Tuscany be far behind?
Italy, cling to your culture,
Protect it from unsavory mind.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

...Midnight Snack Time

A taco
With beans
And guacamole
And leaves of cilantro.
I am done now
And have
A box