Monday, August 30, 2010

Nudist Hippie Attacked By Police

I try to live life by the seat of my pants,
To make quick decisions with flair.
I'm looking for ways that just might enhance
Every day by the things that I wear.
And so, as it happened, on a day just last week
I walked down the street quite not nude.
And up came a thought that I ne'er did seek,
A thought that some folks might think rude!
Off went my clothes and I flung them around
Till in freedom I galloped along!
Alas, twas short-lived; I was thrown to the ground
By an officer, brutally strong.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Bubble Wrap and Typing

I have a piece of bubble wrap.
The urge to pop is strong.
Please tell me popping bubble wrap
While typing isn't wrong.
My words per minute would slow down
And errors might abound,
But popping from the bubble wrap
Would make a wondrous sound!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Just Fruits

I'm growing rotten tomatoes
To harvest for use in the Fall
When pandering politicians
Will parade in all of their gall.
"Have some fruit from my harvest!
A reward for all that you've done.
I'll give you some more if you'd like 'em.
Otherwise, you might want to run."

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Beware the Hem!

Crazy Mabel went to town.
Crazy Mabel bought a gown,
Put it on and pranced around,
Caught the hem and fell right down.
Crazy Mabel tried to frown,
But burst out laughing
Like a clown.  (not the sad kind)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Birthday time
Is near upon us.
Birthday time
Is almost here.
Guess I'd better 
Get a present
Or my wife
Will box my ear.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

A Visit

It's Sunday so we'll go to see the Savage* saints today.
We'll bring the baby just so they can see.
They were waiting for nine months and now it's time to say,
"Here's the bump! He's handsome just like me."

*I did my internship at a church in a town called Savage. 

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Daddy Work

Some people ask if I'm weary.
Others just ask if I'm tired.
I just respond
That I'm growing quite fond
Of the cute little boy that I've sired.
Sure he requires attention
And rocking and soft-spoken words,
But my favorite task,
If you wanted to ask,
Is cleaning up after his turds.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Blurry Duck (Quite Possibly the Lousiest Poem Yet!)

I saw a blurry duck
A-swimming in the water
And thought quick to myself,
"This sure is some blog fodder!"
Blurry ducks are riveting
And worthy of our time,
More profound than sandwiches
And surely more sublime.
So hail to you, o duck!
I thank you for essence.
Now eat that egg salad sandwich I tossed you
Before it turns into putrescence.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Vivos los Antes Muertos

We've got ants,
But not in our pants;
They come in the door
And march 'cross the floor
They get in the trash
And throw quite a bash.
Then I step on their heads
Till they're all deads.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Humidity Stinks

It's sticky like honey;
It's hot like a flame.
The weather 'round these parts
Is really a shame.
It makes us all sweaty
And weary and blah.
This unpleasant weather
Sure sticks in my craw.
So back to south Texas
Or where'er you came.
We're sick of your icky
Humidity game.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

First Cuddle

Dearest child,
I finally have the chance to hold you,
To give you love I've been given
And to mold you,
To sing you songs that calm your fears
That testify to love.
To give you songs from ancient years,
The promise from above.

Little boy, you won't know all
The gifts that you've been given,
But they'll be with you, by God's grace,
The providence of heaven.

And so now, peace.  Peace.