This Poem is an Absolute Embarrassment to Whoever Wrote It.

I went to the dentist.
My face is now numb.
I wonder if maybe
I shouldn't chew gum?
She warned me of danger
From chewing too soon
Cause chomping your tongue
Is hardly a boon.
And so I'll just starve
Till the numbness subsides
And dream a sweet vision
Of hot curly fries.

Not that Anyone's Counting

Twenty-nine days til marriage arrives.
S'ven hundred-five hours on the nose.
Then there'll be cake and a dance and a kiss,
A thrill running down from our lips to our toes.
So strike up the organ and ready the rice
Wouldn't a wedding in May-time be nice?

Almost a Limerick

On Monday I dressed in a sweater
And folks were all saying, "What's upper?
You're looking quite spiffy
Though your shaving is iffy."
I said, "Thanks, I'll shave after supper."

Sing this One to that Tune (you know the one)

I wrote a sermon last night.
It wasn't very good.
And so I wrote another one
As a good student would.
That is three this weekend
And I am feeling tired.
I think I'll drink a pot of joe
Cause then I'll just be wired.

Tea Party

This is one of my better efforts. It rhymes. And there are groupings of four lines. Yes!

The tea was nice;
The signs were fun;
Let's put big spending
On the run.

It ain't just Left
Nor just the Right
Who's gotten us
Into this plight.

So let's turn leaf
And do this thing;
And put an end
To wanton spending.

Turned Away at the Door

The bouncer said, "Get thee away!
You have no place here; it's not your day.
Wait some more months, until you've got proof
Til then you'll find me strictly aloof
To eyelash entreaties and cash on the sly
Cause I'm an honest and upstanding guy.
The law is the law and I'm just a cog;
Don't give me sad faces like some ol' hang dog."

Tough Guys

There's a new gang and they don't play nice;

They ride their boards in the snow and the ice.

They will look surly if given the chance

And if you hug them they'll both look askance.

Haircuts are out and high-flying is in

Build them a grind-box, just maybe they'll grin.

Moving Books

I'm loading books in boxes.
I'm storing prose away.
Shelves are looking barren
And oh so sad today.
Moving isn't easy,
But better soon that late.
One day, when I've a study
My books will look just great!